I briefly touched on this in my last post, but Father is extremely passionate about us having relationships that are full of freedom and life. The highest calling on our relationships is to hang out and enjoy each other. I love that we can do ministry together and that we value expanding the Kingdom together. But I also believe that ministry can get in the way, and that we can release Heaven even more by just enjoying each other and Jesus. How do we have freedom and life? We manage ourselves. We dare to be intimate and make our needs known. I’m so thankful that my parents taught me at a young age that love is a choice. If we “fall” in love, we can “fall” out of love. I’m extremely passionate about connecting with people.
My love languages are quality time and touch. That means that when someone takes the time to have a conversation with me, or just sits with me, I feel extra loved. The possibility of having a road trip with some of my best friends makes me giddy. They would be stuck in a close space with me, whether we’re talking, singing, or being completely quiet - they would be with me. I also love hugs and kisses. I love shaking hands or when someone puts their hand on me just to show their love. There are five love languages: quality time, touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. While it’s not good to be beholden to our love languages, we all have them and we should be aware of them. It’s pretty fun to be told how awesome I am, receive a gift, or have someone serve me. They just don’t pierce my soul like quality time or touch. One of the most painful things about being in a wheelchair is people not knowing how to just be with me. It can create a barrier. People don’t have a problem telling me how inspiring I am, but they usually don’t know how to sit down and have a real conversation with me. I remember being a young boy and seeing other boys go off and play, or seeing everyone in the student section at high school basketball and football games. I rarely felt bad about not being able to do a specific activity, it hurt because I wasn’t with them and not having my needs met. Being in a wheelchair and having quality time as your primary love language can be a painful combination. Being aware of how we feel love helps us to express our needs. I’m learning to express my needs to my family and friends.
Being a powerful person means that I’m vulnerable and express my needs, and that I show someone what’s going on inside of my heart. That gives the other person the freedom to choose to respond to my needs or not. It’s a great feeling to have a friend show us their heart and we get to choose how to respond. A lot of us are afraid to bare our souls, it’s why we see so much manipulation in relationships. It’s a lot less scary to manipulate than it is to talk about what’s going on inside of us. I’m learning that as I interact with my family and friends, and it’s been really freeing and fun. I used to try and manipulate my friends so that they would hang out with me. I was too afraid to tell them that I needed to hang out with them to have my needs met. I would manipulate or just stay silent. I would just cry and my needs went unmet. It wasn’t good. I’m thankful for grace. We’re all desperate and hungry for intimacy. We all need affection and connection.
It’s important to remember that all relationships flow out of our relationship with Jesus. Our relationship with Jesus, Holy Spirit, and Father flows out of the relationship that the Trinity has. We never have lack. We’re always in perfect relationship. Our family and friends will let us down. They will choose not to meet our needs. I’ve done it on several occasions. When we have that disconnect, powerful people put up healthy boundaries. Our happiness is not decided by what other people do, it’s decided by how loved we are by Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. We bring our own happiness and love. I really thought I was in love in high school. I would have done anything for this girl. I took it a few steps too far though, I valued her and our relationship above God. We weren’t even dating, and yet I placed her above the great male friends I had. Everything was out of whack. I wanted to love her as the beautiful girl she was, but I was held captive because I was living as a powerless person. As a powerful person I can now put up boundaries and love deeply. My love isn’t managed by anyone else but me. We need the revelation of the love and pleasure God has for us. It’s from that love and pleasure that we become powerful people.
Jesus we’re so thankful that you’ve created us to be powerful. We love relationships. Give us a revelation of the love and pleasure you have for us. We love the freedom that you’ve given us. We will be vulnerable and honor our relationships.
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