Broken

When I used to hear that Christians should be broken it made me so mad. I didn't understand what it meant. I created a theology that my disease made me broken, so I never pursued brokenness. Besides that, I didn't like the idea. But since then I understand it a little bit better. I think there is a bad kind of broken, and there is a kind of Godly brokenness. The bad brokenness is sin, disease, death, defeat, and wounds. We can use the Godly kind of broken to eradicate false brokenness. Sin and disease are the farthest kind of brokenness God wants for us.

I would define true brokenness as the first step to humility. Humility is not being sad or belittling yourself. Humility is boldly going to to the throne of our King, and knowing that He is God. I am a son of God, I'm real royalty, I'm strong, powerful, loving, courageous, wise, and in love. That is not arrogance, it is knowing who I am. But humility is yielding yourself to God, knowing who He is. That's why I love the worship song “Here I am to Worship.” It is so profound. It says that more than anything else, God I'm here to worship you. Bill Johnson says that all ministry flows out of worship. That song has brought me through some very hard times.

Like I said, I believe that brokenness is the first step to humility. For me, I get busy, complacent, numb, and many other emotions and behaviors that lead me away from God. But being broken can be seen as God coming near us. He's making Himself aware to us. Last year I went to Florida for the outpouring. One day I went to lunch at Sonny's BBQ with Steve Nelson and Denise Gater. It was great friends, great conversation, and great food. While we were there Steve got me a Sonny's sticker and put it on my footrest, so I see it everyday. When I see that sticker it breaks my heart, but not in the unhealthy way. It reminds me of God and my relationships. It breaks my heart because even though I'm in love with Jesus and my friends, it's easy to go on in life. I also look to my picture of me walking that Denise painted me. It imparts life to me, reminding me the impossible awaits to bow to Jesus by my command. Being broken by Jesus is like being pierced in the soul. It's when He touches the deepest parts of me. He breaks us through His goodness, love, compassion, and power.

Lord I pray that we become your laid down lovers.