Intoxicated

I want to be intoxicated with the love of Jesus. He is the lover of my soul. I want to know who He is in me and I in Him. The more I experience Him the more I know I was born to be in an intimate friendship with Him. His very presence, His love is why I am alive. My identity as His Royal Priesthood is becoming more real to me.

Three years ago I was nineteen, I felt alone, scared, sad, and mad. I was just starting to find out who God was even though I was raised a Christian. Through real friends and books I learned that Jesus wants to pursue me, to have me live life to its fullest. But it brought no hope to the disease that plagued my body and soul. Spinal Muscular Atrophy was not new to me, I was born with it, I was supposed to die at eighteen months the doctors said. My parents are amazing. I was raised to have faith in God, to be positive and thankful, to not dream or live with the limits of my disease. They took huge risks, they didn't receive the news the doctors brought, I am forever in debt to them. They gave it all up for me. I was taught to be an over comer, and I felt like one. I had an amazing life, I never thought about why I was not walking or never felt sorry for myself. I owe that to my parents. I never second guessed myself, I believed I would get married and have a family. I believed everything happens for a reason, and that in Heaven I would walk.

My life dramatically changed at seventeen, one of my best friends also had SMA, and he died at sixteen. It crushed me. But I figured God must not be done with me. I made guy friends that wanted to pursue my heart, and not just play Nintendo. It brought me into deeper realms of God, it gave me passion to love and pray. At nineteen my body became much weaker in many ways. My disease became much bigger. Because of my friends, it made me question my disease, why did God give it to me, things I never thought about. I cried every night, asking God to keep me alive. I planned on moving out of my house to live with my best friend, to have some Independence. It was a desire of my heart, I thought God was doing me a favor before I died, I gave up the thought of being married. But two months before I moved out my new close friend/spiritual mom asked if I ever received prayer to walk, to be healed. My heart leaped for joy, but said no. She gave me a Bill Johnson cd, a pastor of Bethel Church in California. He talked of a good God in a good mood, a God that heals all disease, and not one that gives it. My soul loved every word, I couldn't get enough. He said everything I felt and knew about God, I just didn't see it. A month later my best friends anointed me in oil and laid hands on me, I felt the fire of God. It set me up on the adventure of my life. I saw my true destiny.

I'm twenty-two now, I'm still on that adventure. Thank you to Pastor Bill and pastor Kris for who you are. My fathers, my heroes. It is absolutely the will of God for me to be healed, for all to be healed. ON EARTH AS IN HEAVEN! HE WANTS TO HEAL NOW! Jesus intoxicate us with your love, drive out all disease! Good God!